FAIR
Life is not simple, life is not easy and life is not fair. I have heard these phrases literally thousands of times in my own life and have begun to wonder which if any of them are true. I can begin with the oft mentioned point (or truism) that life does not appear to be simple. After all, in today’s high pressure and confusing world of rapid change, things are complicated, complex and difficult to understand. That is not simple. However, simple may not be defined as simply, so to speak, as that. I have lectured many a night on the topic of perception versus reality and the need to work on positive self images and to create those things in life that are important to us. We will not be able to do this if we are constantly telling ourselves that life is too complicated and we cannot change certain things.
If we see life as difficult and hard, if not impossible, to manage then we will have gone far in creating a life that is difficult and hard to manage. Life can be simple if we choose to make it so. I have asked thousands of students to focus on those things in life that truly matter to them, spend a great deal of time and energy in those areas and let the other things go. Life can be simple; just devote yourself to the simple joys in life, to the people that make you happy, and the things that will always be important to you and matter for a lifetime. Everything else may in fact be too complicated. Simple rule I tell them; Keep it simple and it will stay that way; Make it complicated and fill it with high levels of stress, anxiety and tension and it too will stay that way. The choice is simple.
Life is not easy. I suppose not; but then again nobody ever said that it was. I have heard this so many times that I was drawn to ask why. Why is life not easy? Who made it hard? And where was I when these rules were made or the votes taken that declared life not to be easy? I jokingly tell my classes that I was absent the day that there was a universal declaration that life was hard. Therefore, as a rebel I can do my best with them to make life as easy as we can possibly make it. There are, however, some rules that I have asked them to adhere to in order to make life easy. I have asked them to practice honesty and integrity in all that they do and always, always, tell the truth. It is just that simple and life can be made to be just a little easier if we tell the truth and practice honesty in all that we do. Life is easy.
I went to a wonderful retirement party recently where my wife was among the honored retirees. She had not prepared a speech and did not think that she would need to deliver one. Needless to say, she was called to the microphone where to a packed and fully attentive room she delivered a magnificent, passionate and articulate speech. She spoke with sincerity, genuineness, and honesty and every word came straight from her heart. When she returned to our table I praised her speech and said “That wasn’t so difficult, now was it?” Life can be easy if we do it the right way and always do the sincere and honest thing. Public speaking is among the most frightful things that people can encounter. Add a large room filled with family, friends and co-workers and you have a recipe for disaster. Add sincerity and a simple straightforward and heartfelt message and you have made life easy and brought a tear to the eyes of your audience.
Well, certainly life is not fair. Why must I work so hard? It’s not fair. Why does he or she get away with murder? It’s not fair. This one is a bit more difficult. To be fair is to be honest. To be fair is to play by the rules. To be fair is to be truthful. To be fair is to be without prejudice, hatred, anger, and discrimination. To be fair is to be sincere. To be fair is to know that everyone is being treated equally. In all of my Human Resources and Management classes I have taught that to be fair is to perceive equity in the workplace for all. But fairness must certainly involve more. Here, I must acknowledge an obvious paraphrase from a biblical text and tell you that I have taught that fairness is often seen as managing, leading, teaching, and treating others as you would have them manage, lead, teach or treat you. What could be more fair?
In a never ending quest to shock my students and test whether they are paying attention, I tell them that all of their communication and test case answers must include the four letter F word. A few seconds later I inform them that the word, of course, is fair. Is what they said fair? Was the resolution of the case a fair one? Can they show that everyone was treated fairly and did they arrive at their conclusions in a fair and equitable manner? I have found that Americans have an innate and strong sense of fairness. We can, and do, disagree on nearly every aspect of politics and public life. Yet, I still believe that we are united in our faith in fairness. I hope that in some small way that the constant and incessant call to be fair that I have harped to my students for all these years has added a measure of fairness to the public discourse. To be fair; it is not a difficult thing to do.
If we see life as difficult and hard, if not impossible, to manage then we will have gone far in creating a life that is difficult and hard to manage. Life can be simple if we choose to make it so. I have asked thousands of students to focus on those things in life that truly matter to them, spend a great deal of time and energy in those areas and let the other things go. Life can be simple; just devote yourself to the simple joys in life, to the people that make you happy, and the things that will always be important to you and matter for a lifetime. Everything else may in fact be too complicated. Simple rule I tell them; Keep it simple and it will stay that way; Make it complicated and fill it with high levels of stress, anxiety and tension and it too will stay that way. The choice is simple.
Life is not easy. I suppose not; but then again nobody ever said that it was. I have heard this so many times that I was drawn to ask why. Why is life not easy? Who made it hard? And where was I when these rules were made or the votes taken that declared life not to be easy? I jokingly tell my classes that I was absent the day that there was a universal declaration that life was hard. Therefore, as a rebel I can do my best with them to make life as easy as we can possibly make it. There are, however, some rules that I have asked them to adhere to in order to make life easy. I have asked them to practice honesty and integrity in all that they do and always, always, tell the truth. It is just that simple and life can be made to be just a little easier if we tell the truth and practice honesty in all that we do. Life is easy.
I went to a wonderful retirement party recently where my wife was among the honored retirees. She had not prepared a speech and did not think that she would need to deliver one. Needless to say, she was called to the microphone where to a packed and fully attentive room she delivered a magnificent, passionate and articulate speech. She spoke with sincerity, genuineness, and honesty and every word came straight from her heart. When she returned to our table I praised her speech and said “That wasn’t so difficult, now was it?” Life can be easy if we do it the right way and always do the sincere and honest thing. Public speaking is among the most frightful things that people can encounter. Add a large room filled with family, friends and co-workers and you have a recipe for disaster. Add sincerity and a simple straightforward and heartfelt message and you have made life easy and brought a tear to the eyes of your audience.
Well, certainly life is not fair. Why must I work so hard? It’s not fair. Why does he or she get away with murder? It’s not fair. This one is a bit more difficult. To be fair is to be honest. To be fair is to play by the rules. To be fair is to be truthful. To be fair is to be without prejudice, hatred, anger, and discrimination. To be fair is to be sincere. To be fair is to know that everyone is being treated equally. In all of my Human Resources and Management classes I have taught that to be fair is to perceive equity in the workplace for all. But fairness must certainly involve more. Here, I must acknowledge an obvious paraphrase from a biblical text and tell you that I have taught that fairness is often seen as managing, leading, teaching, and treating others as you would have them manage, lead, teach or treat you. What could be more fair?
In a never ending quest to shock my students and test whether they are paying attention, I tell them that all of their communication and test case answers must include the four letter F word. A few seconds later I inform them that the word, of course, is fair. Is what they said fair? Was the resolution of the case a fair one? Can they show that everyone was treated fairly and did they arrive at their conclusions in a fair and equitable manner? I have found that Americans have an innate and strong sense of fairness. We can, and do, disagree on nearly every aspect of politics and public life. Yet, I still believe that we are united in our faith in fairness. I hope that in some small way that the constant and incessant call to be fair that I have harped to my students for all these years has added a measure of fairness to the public discourse. To be fair; it is not a difficult thing to do.
posted by Mark Willand | 10:37 PM
1 Comments:
Dr. Willand,
I truly love your piece on fairness. I do believe that people, whether through years of programming, or bad habits, tend to perceive, and even make, life more complicated, difficult and unfair than it actually is. Once again, to quote a genius, "Marketing (in this case the repetitive message) leads to Perception, leads to Reality". We are actually creating these problems, and making them habits --through choice. The sooner we can realize, internalize, and understand this, the sooner these bad habits can be broken, again by a conscious choice, and then by action. Therein lays the part which is most challenging. "Life" isn't actually hard, it's the taking of action, to change the things in our life which we perceive as "hard", "complicated" or "unfair". Perhaps it is the innate sense to protect our ego from being bruised by the negative feedback that we may well receive from this taking of action, perhaps we're a little bit lazy, or just plain don't care all that much. But if any of these reasons for not taking action are the case, we have no right to complain, not even one word. More to the point, we have no right to perpetuate this perception and further influence others' perception, and then reality. We all have been blessed with the ability to make change. For whatever reason we are not, but we MUST remember that is OUR OWN CHICE. Maybe we need to make a different one. To quote Nike, "JUST DO IT." It really isn't that hard after all.
Furthermore, your piece on "Life is not simple" reminds me of something once sent to me from a new, but very dear friend. I don't know who the Author is, but it was profound, and it is a wonderful illustration of just what we need to focus on in life. It goes something like this:
The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee
When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
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