Stephen Willand on "The Business Beat" on WICN/90.5 FM and at WICN.org

Stephen Willand talks about making sure we've got enough skilled workers, on "The Business Beat" on WICN/90.5 FM and at WICN.org.

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THE GADSEN FLAG

This very flag was signed by the officers of the Third Battalion Fourth Marine Regiment in Fallujah and presented to me by Maj. Philip Zeman, U.S. Marine Corps. I have cherished this flag as a great honor bestowed on me and was thrilled to meet these brave men in person at the 230th Marine Corps Birthday celebration last November.

Stephen Willand

FAIR

Life is not simple, life is not easy and life is not fair. I have heard these phrases literally thousands of times in my own life and have begun to wonder which if any of them are true. I can begin with the oft mentioned point (or truism) that life does not appear to be simple. After all, in today’s high pressure and confusing world of rapid change, things are complicated, complex and difficult to understand. That is not simple. However, simple may not be defined as simply, so to speak, as that. I have lectured many a night on the topic of perception versus reality and the need to work on positive self images and to create those things in life that are important to us. We will not be able to do this if we are constantly telling ourselves that life is too complicated and we cannot change certain things.

If we see life as difficult and hard, if not impossible, to manage then we will have gone far in creating a life that is difficult and hard to manage. Life can be simple if we choose to make it so. I have asked thousands of students to focus on those things in life that truly matter to them, spend a great deal of time and energy in those areas and let the other things go. Life can be simple; just devote yourself to the simple joys in life, to the people that make you happy, and the things that will always be important to you and matter for a lifetime. Everything else may in fact be too complicated. Simple rule I tell them; Keep it simple and it will stay that way; Make it complicated and fill it with high levels of stress, anxiety and tension and it too will stay that way. The choice is simple.

Life is not easy. I suppose not; but then again nobody ever said that it was. I have heard this so many times that I was drawn to ask why. Why is life not easy? Who made it hard? And where was I when these rules were made or the votes taken that declared life not to be easy? I jokingly tell my classes that I was absent the day that there was a universal declaration that life was hard. Therefore, as a rebel I can do my best with them to make life as easy as we can possibly make it. There are, however, some rules that I have asked them to adhere to in order to make life easy. I have asked them to practice honesty and integrity in all that they do and always, always, tell the truth. It is just that simple and life can be made to be just a little easier if we tell the truth and practice honesty in all that we do. Life is easy.

I went to a wonderful retirement party recently where my wife was among the honored retirees. She had not prepared a speech and did not think that she would need to deliver one. Needless to say, she was called to the microphone where to a packed and fully attentive room she delivered a magnificent, passionate and articulate speech. She spoke with sincerity, genuineness, and honesty and every word came straight from her heart. When she returned to our table I praised her speech and said “That wasn’t so difficult, now was it?” Life can be easy if we do it the right way and always do the sincere and honest thing. Public speaking is among the most frightful things that people can encounter. Add a large room filled with family, friends and co-workers and you have a recipe for disaster. Add sincerity and a simple straightforward and heartfelt message and you have made life easy and brought a tear to the eyes of your audience.

Well, certainly life is not fair. Why must I work so hard? It’s not fair. Why does he or she get away with murder? It’s not fair. This one is a bit more difficult. To be fair is to be honest. To be fair is to play by the rules. To be fair is to be truthful. To be fair is to be without prejudice, hatred, anger, and discrimination. To be fair is to be sincere. To be fair is to know that everyone is being treated equally. In all of my Human Resources and Management classes I have taught that to be fair is to perceive equity in the workplace for all. But fairness must certainly involve more. Here, I must acknowledge an obvious paraphrase from a biblical text and tell you that I have taught that fairness is often seen as managing, leading, teaching, and treating others as you would have them manage, lead, teach or treat you. What could be more fair?

In a never ending quest to shock my students and test whether they are paying attention, I tell them that all of their communication and test case answers must include the four letter F word. A few seconds later I inform them that the word, of course, is fair. Is what they said fair? Was the resolution of the case a fair one? Can they show that everyone was treated fairly and did they arrive at their conclusions in a fair and equitable manner? I have found that Americans have an innate and strong sense of fairness. We can, and do, disagree on nearly every aspect of politics and public life. Yet, I still believe that we are united in our faith in fairness. I hope that in some small way that the constant and incessant call to be fair that I have harped to my students for all these years has added a measure of fairness to the public discourse. To be fair; it is not a difficult thing to do.

G.A.S; AND WHY WE NEED IT

We are living in a time when the high price of gas at the fuel pump is creating a national debate on a far reaching scale from big oil company profits, foreign oil dependency and the need for alternative non-fossil fuel and renewable energy sources. In my never ending attempt to use acronyms for memory purposes however, G.A.S. now has taken on a different meaning. Incidentally, I have found that the use of acronyms has proven to be a successful way of having students remember important concepts. I have previously used I.O.U. to remind my classes that they owe their audience the debt of being Impartial, Objective and Unbiased and to avoid prejudicial or extreme arguments as a means of establishing and maintaining credibility. I have also used H.I.T to inspire students always to have Honesty, Integrity and Truth in all that they do in life.

For our purposes here G.A.S. refers to the equally important need always to be Genuine, Authentic and Sincere. These are marvelous traits and characterize the nicest, kindest and most respected people that I ever had the pleasure of knowing. When I think back on all of the people that I have known in my life, I am instinctively drawn to fond memories of those people that are truly Genuine, Authentic and Sincere. They are among the people that I consider fortunate to know and whom I consider to be a blessing in my life. They also easily begin to be associated with terms such as role model, mentor, hero, teacher and people that I want to emulate. Genuine, Authentic and Sincere people are also very easy to like and tend to be the ones with whom I want to associate. I have tried to explain this to many of my classes and determine why it is so important.

The first thing that I have tried to explain is why today it is so very important to identify and work with Genuine, Authentic and Sincere individuals. The answer seems simplistic and obvious. Do we not live in a world where many people are quite the opposite of Genuine and engage in a mind-boggling array of unethical behavior almost always based on false premises or false promises? How many people do you know that are not authentic, not “the real deal” or not what they pretend to be? How many of them can or have forged ahead on these not so real foundations? Do we not live in a world of insincerity where it is easier to lie, cheat, mislead,decive or otherwise be insincere all in the name of fame and fortune? The odds are that you answered most, if not all, of these rhetorical questions in the affirmative and have underscored the need to address them.

My handy Webster’s New World Dictionary defines Genuine with the phrase “really being what it is said to be…not counterfeit or artificial; real; true; authentic…sincere and frank; honest and forthright.” Wow. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could surround ourselves with those types of people that exhibit those kinds of characteristics? Just imagine; no hidden agendas, no double meanings, no second guessing, and no wondering what the person actually meant. I continually strive to maintain those qualities in my personal and professional lives and to instill them in all my classes for all the students that I have the pleasure of working with. Again, in the classes dealing with communication, both verbal and written, I have worked hard to be have them perceived as Genuine so that the reader and audience will respond in an equally genuine manner.

Back to Webster’s for the definition of Authentic to find the most curious entry. Here we find authentic as describing something “that can be believed or accepted; trustworthy; reliable [an authentic news report].” Let’s forget the fact that the editors of this fine dictionary may have used an oxymoron (authentic news report) to define the term and continue with the definition; “authentic implies reliability and trustworthiness…” Again, these traits are stressed in all of the classes that I am fortunate to be conducting. Students as they pursue their careers are going to be confronted with people and situations that are not reliable or trustworthy. From false and misleading advertising, promise breaking people in positions of authority, and people and products that cannot be trusted, we will all need to confront and overcome these traits and exhibit the higher and stronger trait of being Authentic.

Finally, we have arrived at Sincere, which Mr. Webster’s new editors have defined as being; “without deceit, pretense or hypocrisy; truthful; straightforward; honest….an adherence to the simple, unembellished truth.” We are once again faced with a Jeffersonian type of self-evident truth; People that are seen as Sincere, and who are truly sincere, will go far in life and do better than their insincere contemporaries who will sacrifice long term success and happiness for short term financial or social gain. People crave approval; if it is sincere, they want appreciation; if it is sincere, they need to be respected; if it is sincere, people need to be loved; if that love is sincere. There are many keys to a successful life and an equal number for happiness. I think that there are none more important than to be GENUINE, AUTHENTIC, and SINCERE

SELF ESTEEM IN HIGH DEFINITION

Over the course of the past quarter of a century I have been afforded the wonderful opportunity to have worked with, taught and been taught by a wide range of interesting, wonderful and sometimes perplexing people. As I work with them, and especially with students of all ages and degree levels, I have found certain common traits. As I have written in “Self Esteem in Surround Sound,” there oftentimes seems to be a persistent lack of self confidence, self worth and self esteem in people that manifests itself in many non-productive and sometimes harmful ways. It is certainly much easier to preach than practice the philosophy of positive self imaging; yet I think it is important to address the issue as I have in all of my classes.

There are many wonderful books and videos on the market today by exceptional authors, all of whom understand the power of the mind and the power of positive thinking. Shakti Gawain has given us a delightful look at positive images and the power of Creative Visualization, and Dr. Wayne Dyer has written fabulous accounts of the Power of Intention and the ultimate calling of Inspiration. These and many others have taken what I believe is the correct approach to success in life by focusing inward and taking control of ones life simply by believing in ourselves and our ability to create all that we want in life. In my classrooms I have used the principle of the self fulfilling prophecy to inspire the students to create their fondest dream and not their worst nightmare.

It is not surprising that the most obvious manifestation of this principle can be seen in a class on public speaking, or any class at or near the time of final presentations. The closer students get to the presentation or speech the more they see a horror movie playing out in front of their very eyes. They begin to see fainting, fidgeting, forgetting, fear, fright and failure (that’s all the f-words I can think of), and appear to do their best to see that their fears are realized. It doesn’t help when I explain the fight or flight syndrome as a natural response to fear and that fear of public speaking is still listed as Americans worst fear and one more dreaded than death itself. (This is quite amazing in a time of global terrorism, Aids, Avian Flu, global warming and the like, all of which are fearful.)

By this time in class the students are fully prepared to fall apart when they walk up to the podium and are guaranteed of failure because they have a clear vision of just that; their failure. If I am in an impish mood I might complete the negative imagery by telling them that I have brought a camcorder and the speech is going to be videotaped. That should complete the picture so to speak and insure that the ensuing presentation or speech will be a disaster film worthy of an Academy Award. None of this, of course, is necessary and can be undone with a little help and a little practice. Rather than torture them I work diligently with them to create an audio and video masterpiece that they will be proud of and which will reflect proudly on them.

Each student must visualize, in High Definition, a clear, bright and beautiful image of a fabulous presentation. The old black and white analog film on a faded 20 inch picture tube that was showing a movie of failure needs to be discarded and replaced with the 60 inch high definition digital set. The first part of this High Definition blockbuster has the student anxiously anticipating his turn to speak (not dreading it), followed by the excitement (not the angst) of being called upon, followed by a confident and purposeful walk to the podium (not the fearful slumped shoulder foot dragging walk to the gallows) followed by a confident attention grabbing opening (not the “oh my God. Why am I doing this” studder opening) followed by a magnificent passionate and articulate presentation (not the um, uh, well, you know, like….monotone).

If the students have made it this far, they are ready for the ultimate high definition piece. The beginning is important and the body of the speech and all its imagery is equally important. However, the thunderous “1812 Overture finale,” complete with the image of a standing ovation by an adoring audience smiling and clapping wildly is the ultimate High Definition image we aim for. I have found that when we focus on this positive image with clear high definition clarity and believe in that image then that image becomes reality. We all know what we want and yet spend altogether too much time focusing on those people and things that we don’t like or want in our lives. We can focus on love, beauty, kindness, peace and, yes even great public speaking and it can and will come true.

Stephen R. Willand

SELF ESTEEM IN SURROUND SOUND

I have had the distinct pleasure of teaching many classes at both the Undergraduate and Graduate level on the topic of Communication. While the exact title of the course has varied from Effective Speaking, Public Speaking, Effective Communication and many others, and while the location and timing of the course and semester have changed from one college to the next, there is, and always has been, one consistent theme that permeates all of these courses. If you have taken a college level class on communication you might be surprised by my personal key to successful communication: To be an effective communicator, and especially to be a good public speaker, it is essential that the communicator have a healthy and high level of self esteem.

Students will forever ask me to list the qualities of a good speaker, an exceptionally good speaker, and a great speaker. I, in turn, ask them to list the qualities and traits that they think are necessary to command the attention of the audience and to deliver a “standing ovation” speech. Invariably, the students will list: “know the subject matter,” “practice the delivery,” “bring notes,” and a wide range of textbook and lecture driven techniques. I then ask them to list (for my eyes only) their greatest fear of speaking in public. There has been little variation over the years in these responses; the list always includes the fear of forgetting, of turning red, of embarrassment, of public humiliation, of sweating, of losing one’s voice, of fainting and generally of looking foolish.

It has been my experience that all of the fears listed above are learned behaviors and that they are sitting deep (and sometimes not so deep) in our subconscious mind ready to pop out and attack us at precisely the wrong moment. I am also fairly certain that these fears are instilled in us through a combination of memories of bad experiences and the constant bombardment of negativity and criticism that we have been subjected to throughout our lives. There are many things in life that are uncertain, however, one certainty is that there is no limit to the number of people that will try to “put you down” or “put you in your place.” Whether parents, siblings, teachers, clergy, friends, spouses or co-workers there is a plentiful supply of people ready to list your faults and give you all the reasons why you can not, should not and will not succeed.
If fear and intimidation can be learned and sit at the forefront of our subconscious, then they can be unlearned and sent down to their rightful place in the far backside of our subconscious and be replaced by a more healthy and highly energized set of thoughts. To do this I have the students, on the first night of class, imagine their head, mind and brain as a state-of-the-art audio system with their ears serving as the input and volume control dials. I then have them conjure up all the negative, nasty, and even, evil things that have been said and done to them. They then (using the left ear dial) must turn the volume down to its lowest level so that it cannot be heard. Now, (using the right ear dial) they must play their “Greatest Hits” album and turn the volume to its highest level so as to drown out any residual noise from the other side.

The most insightful part of this exercise comes from the formulation of all of the “tracks” that the students are able to put on their Greatest Hits album. With a little prodding they list the great successes of parenthood, their children, their friends, family, school and a seemingly endless stream of fond memories and accomplishments that somehow have been relegated to a secondary position behind the negative information. They are then reminded of how they are balancing full time careers and family and still are able to be successful in a college academic setting. Rather than feel that they should have gone to college at 18, they now feel proud that they are going to school and will succeed here as they have in all other aspects of their lives.
Surround Sound with high end speakers sub-woofers and all the best equipment playing your Greatest Hits at peak volume can drown out the persistent clatter of those old worn out records that serve no productive purpose and should be sent to the nearest rubbish bin. Be careful not to confuse having high levels of self esteem with being pompous or arrogant. The album blaring in Surround Sound is not saying that you are better than other people; however it certainly is saying that no one is better than you. When you have high levels of self esteem it launches a great speech and that confidence radiates throughout the audience which instinctively feels the power emanating from a confident speaker. We all have our Greatest Hits. We should listen to them more often.

STEPHEN R. WILLAND BLOG CREATED

Mark Willand Media has created a blog for Stephen R. Willand as a companion to his popular web site.

The blog will be the location for Stephen's newest articles, news and teaching tools.